Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The First Step

It's all there for the eyes that can see
The blind ones will always suffer in secrecy
I have now completed the first step in order to become happy with myself. I've let the one person that held me back the most, go.
This requires some back story though. I've always been afraid of being lonely, and I was even more shy when I was younger. That's when I met her. Someone who actually liked me? I could barely believe it. Only issue, she lived halfway around the world.

I was still naive enough to believe that it could work. We were officially "dating" for a few months, and then she broke my heart. Now, the wise thing to do would be, letting go, of course? No, I stuck around. Why? Because I still wanted her, she was the only one who showed me any affection, and in the end, after she got rid of her 'new' boyfriend, she came back to me, and I was there waiting.

Now, this was repeated. Over, and over. For years. I can't say I blame her that much, because it really mostly is my fault for letting myself be manipulated. I was happy with any affection I could get, but the hurt was the worst.

In the end, just a few days ago, I had enough. She had met yet another guy, and I confronted her, finally. If you want to keep me around as anything more than a friend, then you better realize that I can't stand what you do. If you want me as just a friend, then tell me.

And of course, she had no real answer. She wanted me as both just a friend, in order to get freedom with other guys, and as something closer, to be able to talk to me about any issues she had, as I always listened.

So I decided to stop this, and avoid talking to her anymore, at least until I can make sure I think of her as nothing more than a friend, for the first time ever.


This, is my first, real, victory. As well as the first step to becoming something better and maybe meet someone who actually cares for me.
And I'd like to encourage anyone who might be reading, and are in the same situation, to take action. It will hurt at first, but in the end, you will feel better.

Thank you for your time.

- The Apprentice

Monday, March 18, 2013

My introduction

My introduction

Hello there reader.
I am, The Apprentice. Of course not in real life, but here, I am.

This blog, has but one purpose. I don't make this for someone else, of course I enjoy it if someone else finds it interesting, but it's mainly for my own personal gain.

You see, I'm not someone I really feel happy being. I'm an 18 year old guy, currently in my last year before college. It is now I need to change.

  • I am very shy
This, is not a good thing. I need to teach myself how to become less of that, and more outgoing. I'm known for being very friendly, one can almost say too friendly, as I let everyone else and their needs go ahead of my own.

  • I have very bad confidence issues

    This, is also a bad thing for me. I personally don't actually believe I'll be able to pull through college at all. But lately, I've decided to change, and will try my best to push through it all.

    • I have big issues about focusing on the more important things

    I have no problem learning new things, it's sticking with them that's the issue. For my college education I plan on selecting a very hard course, with loads of studying in math, etc. Something I will need to have learned by then, is to focus.


    These are just the first issues that popped up in my head, but, all in all, I very much dislike the whole entity which is me. These are the main issues, as well as other more 'cosmetic' ones, such as being displeased with how my body is. But that's something I plan on changing.

    So, dear reader, I am not some sort of special person, I'm just a normal human being, who, like many of others out there, aren't satisfied with who they are, and have finally, decided to change things for the better.

    Therefore, I welcome you, to take part of my journey. In this blog, I will therefore post personal victories, be they small or meaningless to others, to me, they do mean a lot.

    And why am I doing this in such a public place as the internet you ask? Simple, to keep myself going. If I kept a log for myself, I would have no real reason to keep it up. I'm weak willed, if you may. But if it's online, it's all out in the open. If I give up, the whole world can see it. Therefore, I've made the decision to do this blog.
    And in the end, I hope I'll be able to look back at this ..
    .. and see, AN UNLIKELY SUCCESS STORY, unfold before me.

    - The Apprentice